Bar Poll

The Bar Poll we ran for the best off Walking Street Bar was won with an outstanding 44% of the votes by the Honey Pot. Amazingly, 0% voted for one of my favourites, the Atlantic. I guess with a spread like this there will be no call for a Florida recount. That said, there were only 9 votes cast in total........ Percentages sound better somehow !!!!!!!!!

As this poll was such an outstanding success, we'll bin them for now.


Sierra Tangos

• Super Ultimate Video Converter - Every now and then I have to convert a video from one file format to another and it is a pain to find the software to do it, especially free software! That is where Super comes into play. It can handle a huge variety of video formats and can convert them to nearly anything you would want! Here are a few of the converters that it comes with: Mobile phone converter; PocketPC converter; iPod converter; PSP converter; VCD converter; SVCD converter; DVD converter; AVI converter; MP4 converter; MOV converter; ASF converter; FLV converter; MPG converter; OGG converter; WMV converter; GIF converter. Download here
  

• Four cases of death - including a Nowegian, over the holiday weekend

• After her sixth child, Jane decided that she should have some cosmetic
  surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory as her
  bomb doors were dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace.
  Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with six
  children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and tuck
  there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab. Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed. "Who are these from?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice" "Well" said the nurse; "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted
  to say thanks". "Gosh, that's really nice" said Jane. "The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!" "Brilliant!" said Jane. "And the third?" "That's from Eric, a patient in the burns unit," said the nurse. He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears.
  

If you like Pattaya Rag, please tell your friends


Sierra Tangos

• Thai Anxiety has reported that Tahitian Queen 2, Soi BJ, will open at 2.00pm in the afternoon from 1st August 2007 with new girls, shows and rock music

• If you are feeling hungry and it's the cook's day off then don't forget that Door 2 Door's full menu is available online. The online menu also carries popular supermarket items which they will also deliver so you don't even have to get off your duff when your fags run out...... Door 2 Door's link is included in my Pattaya Links section below right so it will always be available, even when this blog is in the archives
  

• An old man marries a young woman and they are deeply in love, however, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm, so they decide to ask a sex therapist for advice. The therapist listens to their story and makes the following suggestion: "Hire a strapping young man and while the two of you are making love have the young man wave a towel over you, as though he is fanning you both. Make sure he is totally naked and she can see his manhood as he fans you both with the towel. That will help your wife fantasise, and should bring on a full-blown orgasm."
  
  They go home and follow the therapist's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he strips off and enthusiastically waves a towel over them both as they make love. But it doesn't help and still the wife is unsatisfied and frustrated.
  
  Perplexed, they go back to the therapist. "Okay", he says, "let's try it reversed - have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
  
  Once again, they follow the advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The hired hand really works with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, screaming, creaming orgasm.
  
  Smiling, the husband drops the towel, taps the young man on the shoulder and says to him triumphantly: "THAT'S how you wave a fucking towel, sonny!!!
  

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Phuket Holidays On eBay

Re my 24 July Sierra Tango on Asian Sweethearts article on Phuket hotels auctioning rooms on eBay, I checked eBay today and found 5 current auctions for the Baumanburi Resort & Spa, Patong, Phuket. Superior twin rooms at this hotel in low season go for Baht2,400 per night. If you make a winning bid, you do not get a gift certificate from a 3rd party seller you get prepaid accomodation from the resort marketing company with no additional fees and free airport pick-up. The winning bid is all you pay. However, the small print will disqualify most of Pattaya Rags readers, i.e.

• All applicants must be aged between 35 and 70 - no problem there
• Applicants must be married or have been living together for 2 years - oh, oh, tricky one for people who measure their relationships by the hour
• Applicants must attend a presentation on the benefits of online holidays - what's an online holiday? Isn't that what Arnold Swarzathingy did in that sci-fi movie, Total Recall? Well, one of his movies anyway......
  

I tried similar searches for Pattaya, Koh Chang, and Koh Samui but drew a blank so it appears to be a promotion by just the one hotel rather than a new low season policy by hotels to get bums on beds.

Sierra Tangos

• ‘The Simpsons Movie‘ is blowing away the competition at the box office. Not only this weekend’s competition but it is smashing box office records for the entire summer. Homer, Bart and crew had the 17th best opening night of all-time last night. As movies are usually released at the same date/time around the world it would look as though Thailand's missed out on this one
  

• Most Embarrassing Moments - A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price tag. The checkout girl got on the public address system, which boomed out across the store for everyone to hear, 'price check for Tampax super size'. But it got worse. Someone at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for the word 'thumbtacks' and replied in a business like tone over the same public address system, 'do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you belt in with a hammer?'

• Shenanigans is set to re-open in August 07 in the new shopping mall on Second Road, opposite Soi Post Office / Soi 14. Looks like another good location. If you want to get your wife / girlfriend back out to work, they are hiring bar and restaurant staff.
  

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Soi 6

As reported in a number of Pattaya forums, the going rate in Soi 6 is Baht300/- for the room and Baht700/- for the company, (up from Baht500/-). This represents a staggering jump of 40%. I guess it's down to the individual if they want to haggle but to my mind this increase is excessive. Particularly when you consider for another Baht500/- in a massage parlour you get 1.5 hours in an air-conditioned room with a bath and lilo thrown in.......


Sierra Tangos

• According to Phuket Gazette bars in Phuket have been requested to refrain from selling alcohol on Sunday (29/7) and Monday (30/7) in honour of Asarnha Bucha Day and Buddhist Lent Day, respectively. Not clear if Pattaya will be guided accordingly for the 2 day holiday. Bar staff I spoke to last night (Friday) indicated that that they will be heading to a temple rather than loitering with intent
  

• Want to own a Jeepney. Get this classic on eBay

• History of wanton women - Americans not to blame !!!!!

• Sick of flies - try this homemade fly trap
  

• A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish.
  They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St.Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?"
  She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."
  St.Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."
  All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?"
  The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Judy sticks her ass in it!!"
  

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Sierra Tangos

• Bars will be closed Sunday 29 July and possibly, but not yet confirmed, Monday 30 July
  

• Warning - It's a 4 day holiday weekend with next Monday (30/7) and Tuesday(31/7) marked as Bank Holidays. Expect the usual influx of Bangkokians and the resulting traffic jams. Plant your peas early and get a 4 day Tee-Lac today. While stocks last......
  

• Fixya - Want to prove your wife wrong? Web site FixYa aggregates user-submitted instructions for fixing consumer electronics, from your digital camera and laptop to your dishwasher. Sadly Xbox not included !!!
  
  
• Top 10 Unofficial Gmail Apps and add-ons

• K.P.K. Food Service Co Ltd - Suppliers of Cheddar cheese; Atlantic Cod; Bisto gravy; Paxo stuffing; Pledge's pickles; farmhouse chutney; pies; quality meats including New Zealand lamb chops/juicy steaks/pork fillets; smoked haddock; smoked kippers and much more. K.P.K. is located in Pattaya Klang Plaza (between Soi Yume and Third Road) behind Carrefour. Phone Khun Beef (Keith) on 038 416 470

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Sierra Tangos

• Mike Baird's Pattaya Bar Hopping Map
  

• Mike Baird's Pattaya Restaurant Map
  

• Mike Baird's Pattaya Hotel Map

• Best currency exchange rates can be found at Bank Gold (red building on Soi Rungland, opposite the Communication Authority of Thailand's building on South Pattaya Road). Tip courtesy of Pattaya Secrets
  

• Thai Anxiety have posted extensive reviews of all Pattaya Go-Go bars here. All you ever needed to know about chrome poles but never dared to ask
  

• The Travel Agents Association (ATTA) have reported that tourist entries to Thailand in June were the lowest since 1999 (excluding the SARS and Tsunami years). June 2006 arrivals totaled 205,000, this June 175,000
  

• Man goes down on a woman and says, "fuck that stinks!". Woman says, "It's arthritis". He says, "what, in your fanny?". She says, "No, in my shoulder, I can't wipe my arse!".

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Slow Going

Apologies for the limited amount of Pattaya related news appearing in the blog so far. Setting up the blog has taken far more effort than I anticipated. Part of the problem lies with the constraints imposed by Google's templates. I'm finding it tricky to do the simple things like lining up text and images. My feeling is it will have to do and it's time I walked the streets to get some real news on the site.

After all, my objective with the blog was to keep things topical. I didn't want another infrequently updated blog on Pattaya. I want to keep it moving so you keep coming back for more and more and more......


Sierra Tangos

• Yoko's Back - Japanese hottie
  

• Beyonce goes arse over during a performance in Orlando

• Miro - Download all your favorite YouTube videos with Miro
  

• Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius, pure genius

• Henri, an elderly man, was walking through the French countryside, admiring the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he spotted a young couple making love in a field. Getting over his initial shock he said to himself, "Ah, young love... ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers... C'est magnifique!" and continued to watch, remembering good times. Suddenly he drew in a gasp and said, "Mais... Sacre bleu! Ze woman - she is dead!" and he hurried along as fast as he could to the town to tell Jean, the police chief. He came, out of breath, to the police station and shouted, "Jean...Jean zere is zis man, zis woman ... naked in farmer Gaston's field making love." The police chief smiled and said, "Come, come, Henri you are not so old; remember ze young love, ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers? Ah, L'amour! Zis is okay." "Mais non! You do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!"
  
  Hearing this, Jean leapt up from his seat, rushed out of the station, jumped on his bike, pedalled down to the field, confirmed Henri's story, and pedalled all the way back non-stop to call the doctor. "Pierre, Pierre, ... this is Jean, I was in Gaston's field; zere is a young couple naked 'aving sex " To which Pierre replied, "Jean, I am a man of science. You must remember, it is spring, ze air, ze flowers, Ah, L'amour! Zis is very natural." Jean, still out of breath, grasped in reply, "NON, you do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!" Hearing this, Pierre exclaimed, "Mon dieu!" grabbed his black medicine bag; stuffed in his thermometer, stethoscope, and other tools; jumped in the car; and drove like a madman down to Gaston's field.
  After carefully examining the participants he drove calmly back to Henri and Jean, who were waiting at the station. He got there, went inside, smiled patiently, and said, "Ah, mes amis, do not worry. Ze woman, she is not dead, she is American."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Sierra Tangos

• Reports are coming in that YouTube is again available in Thailand
  
• Asian 2007
• Out Of Line Cartoon - you gotta smile
• There's Something About Miriam - Starring one of Jenny's finest
• U.Jogo - is a new community for poker players. There’s no exchanging of real money, so feel free to bet away with the ujogo cash you get upon registration
• A man goes into Superdrug and asks 'Have you got KY Jelly?' 'No sorry' says the assistant 'have you tried Boots?' The man says 'I want to slide in, not fucking march in'

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Short Crawl

One of best short crawls in Pattaya is in the Big C area of Second Road. The crawl starts in the Honey Pot, Soi 2 at 8.00pm when the bar is fully staffed but has no customers/competition. This bar has some excellent Coyotes, air conditioning and little or no hip-hop. Yeaaaaaah. The DJ plays a bit to appease the girls but the Pinoy band plays mostly 1970 - 90s rock/pop.

If you're still sid-solo when the Honey Pot starts filling up with customers around 9.30pm stroll back up to Second Road, turn right and head down to the Atlantic Bar. I could dedicate a full blog to the Atlantic Bar which has been for many years, the leading off strip bar in Pattaya. It has a stable of fine fillies, two pool tables, two large screen projectors to provide first class coverage of football and F1 (with commentary) and was one of the first bars in the Pattaya area to employ Service Only Girls to ensure the bar is staffed by lovelies at all times. I could even dedicate a full blog to the Service Only Girls (Sogs) in the Atlantic but that's for another day. To a lucky, (and discrete), few it has proven a misnomer and to a number of Sogs it has been a path to fat wallets. Some punters complain that the Atlantic girls are 'stand-offish' but surely a bit of a chase makes the conquest all the more enjoyable. If you just want to 'park it', go to Soi 6.........

When you've had enough of the Atlantic head back out on to Second Road, turn right and walk down to the U Too Bar (opposite the Alcazar car park). U Too Bar is a relative newcomer on the block but has already built up a healthy following amongst residents and tourists. Plenty of pretty girls, four pool tables, big screen projector for sports, (with commentary) and yes, Sogs.

If you visit these three bars you will have seen some of the prettiest girls off the Walking Street. You will have also met a few that haven't yet developed the professional approach of Walking Street girls.

The Atlantic Bar and U Too Bar are also good late night venues when other bars are closing down. Honey Pot closes at 3.00am.

If you are still a sid-solo sad bastard after these three bars then you only have one option left. Walk back out on to Second Road, turn right and head down to Soi 6. If you can't bag in Soi 6 your name must be Gollum. No hold that thought, even Gollum could get laid in Soi 6. Closing time is currently 1.00am sharp.

Note: Photos to follow.............


Sierra Tangos - 24 July 2007

• Another Use For WD40 - Don't try this at home
• Amazing Phuket Holiday Deals - Via Asian Sweetheart
• Aum Braless - FHM's Sexiest Thai lady (see hotlink to gallery)
  
• Computer link for Immigration & Police to track foreigners
  
• Most people I know would say too long !!!!!!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Sierra Tangos

• Back Massage - When you don't have time for the parlours
• Zabasearch - People search site for Americans. Turns up scary details
• Fight Cholesterol - 10 Top Foods
  
• BugMeNot - This site provides names and passwords for sites that require you to register. The New York Times is an example; BugMeNot provides a usernames and passwords that should work. Users report on how often they do and the site displays the success rate.
  
• Fake Name Generator - Let's say that you need a fake identity cause you're from another country and the stupid web site won't let you sign up for an account. Or, you want to avoid giving out personal information at a site. Then Fake Name Generator helps you create a fake identity including phone numbers and credit cards.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hustlers

It was a night for hustling in the Atlantic Bar on Saturday (21/7) . What's new you say! Well, the Atlantic Bar, one of Pattaya's best off the strip bars for those in the know, held it's annual pool-athon with talents of all nationalities and inclinations turning up for the event.

What happened can only be summed up by this reporter as a classic Harry Potter moment. That ugly Mancunian Mugwort, Dave Shaw, must have waved what is reputedly the smallest 'wand' west of the Pennines, to walk off with the title and Baht8,000/- in prize money.

It was only after the Mugwort was threatened with some good old GBH that he agreed to spend Baht50 on drinks for the girls.

Scoop : Picture at right shows Dave celebrating his victory with his favourite girl.


___________________________________________________________________

Sierra Tangos - 22 July 2007

• Mosquito Killer - You jam it in your partners bum crack and never get bitten again!!
• Aum Lukkana - Thai FHM's World No 60
• Joy - Paradorn's ex in Thai Penthouse
• Bush Impression - brilliant but absolutely nothing to do with Pattaya
• Suriyawong Bush - absolutely everything to do with Pattaya
• Tamara Sky - Playmate August 2007
  

_______________________________________________________________________

Murphy's Lesser Known Laws

• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
• He who laughs last, thinks slowest
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine
• Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't
• Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool
• The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong
• If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog
• If the shoe fits, get another one just like it
• The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first
• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer
• A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries
• The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room
• A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well
• When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Pattaya Rag Launch

Our intention is to make Pattaya Rag a one stop shop for current news on what's hot and what's not in Pattaya.

To spice up the mix we will sprinkle in a bit of gossip with plenty of photos of the beautiful people living here in Pattaya.

Let me know what you would like to see in Pattaya Rag.

Ed.

________________________________________________________________

Sierra Tangos - 21 July 2007

• Bar Keeps Object To Recent Fines
  
• Seven Amazing Wonders
• Now I Remember Why I Like Thai Girls
  

________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________