50 of the Best Jokes of the Noughties

A list of best jokes is an impossible list to compile as we all have our own idea of what's funny but credit the Telegraph for trying. If you're knee deep in slush then maybe you'll find something here to brighten your day:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/theatre/comedy/6857240/50-of-the-best-jokes-of-the-noughties.html

A few personal faves and No 5 takes some beating:

43 Does the new paedophile in town approach the older paedophiles and ask them - ‘Where’s a good place to track down kiddies? Do you know a good place?’ ‘Well, it’s swings and roundabouts, really.’ (Frank Skinner)

39 Most of us have a skeleton in the cupboard. David Beckham takes his out in public. (Andrew Laurence)

28 One arm butlers - they can take it but they can’t dish it out. (Tim Vine)

24 You think things are all legal or illegal in this country. In Ireland that’s not the way we do it. We’re got a greater appreciation of the greyness of the human condition, between the white and the black. There are three states of legality in Irish law. All this stuff here which comes under ‘That’s grand’ then it moves into ‘Ah now, don’t push it’ and finally it moves into ‘Right, you’re taking the piss’ - that’s when the police sweep in. (Dara O’Briain)

 

 

 

23 Ellen MacArthur - how many times is that woman going to have go round the world before she realises she’s a f***ing lesbian? (Frankie Boyle)

7 You could solve the Jewish settlement of Palestinian territories by putting them on Northern Rock mortgages. They’d soon send the Geordie bailliffs round. (Mark Thomas)

5 I said to my girlfriend on Saturday: ‘How would you like to go shopping with the girls, get some new shoes, get your hair done in a different style and then go out for a couple of bottles of Chardonnay?’ She said: ‘That sounds brilliant.’ I said: ‘Good - because we’re breaking up.’ (Jimmy Carr)

http://pattayarag.blogspot.com/

Posted via email from Pattaya Post