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Celibacy
Many aspects of human sexuality are very puzzling. Take celibacy for instance. This can be a choice, or a condition imposed by environmental factors.
While attending a Marriage Awareness Weekend, Fred and Mary listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the men. "Gents, can you each name your wife's favourite flower?"
Fred leaned over, touched Mary's arm gently and whispered, "Self raising, isn't it?"
Thus began Fred's life of celibacy.
- The Huns
- EVER WONDER ..
- Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
- Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
- Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
- Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
- Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
- Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
- Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
- Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
- Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
- Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
- You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
- Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? ?
- Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
- Baldness pill..
- Women's Lib Conference
The first speaker; a lady from England, stood and said 'During last year's conference, we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference, I went home and told my husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day, I saw nothing. The second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb.' (The crowd cheered).
The second speaker from Russia , stood up and said, 'After last year's conference, I went home and told my husband, Ivan, that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. The first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had done not only his own washing, but mine as well. (The crowd again cheered).
The third speaker, an Aboriginal lady, stood up and said, 'Afta lass year's conference, I wen home and tole dat lazy husband of mines, Dingo Jack, dat I was froo pickin up his beer cans, cookin his tucker and washin his undaweah and dat he was gunna hapta do dem himself. (The crowd went wild with cheering and clapping that lasted for five long minutes). She continued. 'Afta dat first day, I nevah see nuffin. Afta da second day I nevah see nuffin, but afta da fird day, I could see a little bit outa my left eye.'
- Evolution of a Pattaya monger
- The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican..
The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are "the seven Dwarfs" they get ushered in to see the Pope.
Dopey leads the pack.
"Dopey my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background a few of the dwarfs begin giggling.
Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.
Dopey turns back to face the Pope.
"Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled again, thinks for a moment and then answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe."
This time all the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them all with an angry glare.
Dopey turns back to the Pope and says, "Mr. Pope, are there ANY dwarf nuns in the whole world?"
The Pope answers, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling, and laughing, pounding on the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting:
"Dopey screwed a penguin!"
"Dopey screwed a penguin!"
- Gorbachov - the music video
- Topless photos of Ronnie Woods alleged Russian girlfriend
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