Sunday, 20 July 2008

Sex Test, Masturbation & Un-do Buttons

  • Every time an Indian walks into the chief's teepee he sees that the chief is masturbating. They finally realize this is a serious problem, so they fix him up with a nice woman, and she starts living with him in his teepee. One day, one of the Indians walks into to chief's teepee and there's the chief masturbating again.

He says, "Chief, what are you doing? We fix you up with a beautiful woman."

The chief says, "Her arm get tired."

 

  • "Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
    "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!" 

 

  • A monger's night in

 

 

  • Lawyer dies at 55 and meets St. Peter at the Golden Gate.

Lawyer: 'I'm only 55 and too young to die.'

St. Peter: 'You are 83.'

Lawyer: 'How'd you get that.'

St. Peter: 'We added up your time sheets.'

 

  • Sex Test

 

 

  • As you slide down the banister of life, remember...

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book.  It's called...  'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss,  the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies - tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's Shipping and handling, too.

8.. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9 My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a  large trash can.

10. A blonde said, 'I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.'

11. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment... for enjoying sex.  

As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way

 

  • Un-do buttons

 
  • A blonde gets a job as a teacher.

She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'You ok?' she says.

'Yes.' he says.

'You can go and play with the other kids you know.' she says.

'It's best I stay here,' he says.

'Why?' says the blonde.

The boy says: 'Because, I'm the fucking goalie'

 

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