- Entertainment night at the Senior Centre.
Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: 'I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
'I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch, it's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations'
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...'
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch when suddenly, it slipped from the Hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred Pieces.
'SHIT!' yelled the Hypnotist.
It took three days to clean up the Senior Centre.
- Hitting...
- Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
Paddy says, 'Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?'
'No bother,' he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds.
'Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both.'
'Fook off you liar!'
'I'll prove it,' Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs, 'Both of dem,Paddy?'
'Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?'
- Compromise
-
Top ten times in history when using the "F" word was almost appropriate!
#10 - "Scattered f___ing showers,my ass!" - Noah 4314 BC
# 9 - "How the f___did I just work that out?" Pythagorus, 126 BC
# 8 - "You want WHAT on the f___ing CEILING?" - Michelangelo, 1568
# 7 - "Where did all those f__ing Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877
# 6 - "It does so f___ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
# 5 - "Where the f___ are we?" - Amelia Earhardt, 1937
# 4 - "Any f___ing idiot should understand that!" - Einstein, 1938
# 3 - "What the f___ is that up there?" - Mayor of Hiroshima , 1945
# 2 - "I need this parade like I need a f___ing hole in my head!" - JFK 1963
# 1 - "Aw c'mon, who the f___ is going to find out?" - Bill Clinton, 1997
- A new recruit at Hell Club ? I'd need more than Viagra to take this on..
- Thought for the Day....
'America is the last thing standing between humanity's intact testicles and the quivering blade of liberalism.'
Ed. What a load of bollocks!
- Why they haven't attacked us again
No comments:
Post a Comment