Humour

• The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for a bout 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.'

The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'

 

• It could happen to you if you get your freelancers from Beach Road

 

• I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday, he said "Have you ever shoed a horse?" I said "No, but I've told a donkey to f*ck off."

 

• A common enough scene in Pattaya

 

• The other day I phoned my local pizza delivery firm and asked for a thin and crusty supreme. They sent me Diana Ross

 

• This juvenile toy will definitely elicit a fair number of laughs at the office! Tucked into his tighty-whities, this plush dachshund has a surprise for you when you press his paw! Wiggling his head and arms side to side, he moves his mouth to flatulent phrases including a familiar tune "tooted" a whole new hilarious way! Fun for little ones and goofy grown-ups!

The Pooting Tooting Frank Farter Dog would make for the perfect gag gift, retailing for $14.98 a pop.

 

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