Kung Fu Sex, Cops & Red Necks

• A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.
  'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'
  'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'
  The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, 'Next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it!'
  The young girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Nice horse you've got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'
  Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered, 'Yes, he sure did!'
  The little girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top!'

 

 

• Kung Fu Sex - a skit on Crouching Tiger and very clever. Worth a look if you want to spice up your sex life.......

 

• Alzheimer's or Parkinson's ? Which one would you rather have? Parkinson's of course! Better to spill half your drink than forget where the f**k you put it! Ed. I think I've posted this joke before but I can't remember.

 

 

• Quotable:
  • Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." -- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
  • I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."- Eleanor Roosevelt
  • Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. -- Mark Twain
  • The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. -- George Burns
  • Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. -- Victor Borge
  • Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain
  • By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
  • I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- Groucho Marx
  • My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. -- Jimmy Durante

 

• Red neck bumper stickers

 

• A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
  When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.
  Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.
  'It's a period,' he replied.
  'I can see that,' said the teacher, 'but what is so exciting about a period?'
  'Darned if I know,' he said, 'but this morning my sister was missing one, my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the boy next door joined the Air Force.'

 

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