Humour ?

• Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.

Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.

"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."

"Get away you damned liar!"

"I'll prove it," Murphy says.

So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"

"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"

• Reminds me of my ex !!!

• A Scotsman was heading out to the pub and turned to his wee wife before leaving.

'Jackie - put your hat and coat on lassie'.

'Awe John that's nice - are you taking me to the pub with you?'.

'Nae, just switching the central heating off while I'm oot'