- Bar Bits
I had a wander round the bars on Saturday night with a couple of drinking pals and just about everywhere we went was pretty quiet.
We started the night in Club Blu on Soi Buakhow but quite a few of my favourites were missing so we only had a couple of drinks and then jumped a Baht Bus on Buakhoa to the South Pattaya Road / Second Road traffic lights. I had the pleasure of sitting next to a couple of katoeys for most of the journey and when we got to Tuk Com this little old Thai lady got off the bus, had second thoughts and jumped back on the bus and had everybody confused. About 100 metres nearer to Second Road we alighted and the bus had hardly moved another 10 meters when the whole bus disembarked and the passengers headed back in the direction of Tuk Com. More of this later.
We walked in to Soi 15 from Second Road, (good short cut) and hit What's Up Go Go which is a long term favourite of mine. In addition to the buxom Jacuzzi girls, and I don't use the word 'buxom' lightly in this case, they have a number of ladies dressed in just braces and belts (suspenders in America) and in this case I use the word 'dressed' very lightly. As we walked in, one lady dressed in braces and not much more was standing on a sofa straddling a guy seated on the sofa whilst he admired her breakfast. The surprise was the girl was a real looker so times must be hard. Over by the Jacuzzi, one overweight guy was dispensing with his bucket of ping pong balls in a rather unusual fashion. He was giving them one by one to one of the Jacuzzi girls by sticking them where the sun don't shine. Times must be very, very hard for the girls to go to these lengths for tips. There were plenty of girls in the shop window and several lookers amongst them. What's Up is a fun bar and has plenty of voyeurs but a shortage of paying punters so the girls appear to be even more amenable than usual.
I'd been reading on the Pattaya Forums that a coyote bar in Soho Square was doing so well they it was expanding. We took a wander down there to check it out and found a ghost town. The bars were nicely fitted out but had not one customer between them and just two coyote dancers on display. It must have been around 11.00pm so I'm not sure if Soho booms at a different time to the go-go's. I'll have to try again at a different time to see if I have more success.
We' been tipped off that stars in the off Walking Street bars often barf themselves at the weekend so they can hang out in places like Lucifers. So what do we do next, we go to the Beer Garden. Nah, we go to Lucifers and nah, it's not for me. Maybe there was a time but it's so badly laid out that I couldn't see the fanny. You have to push your way through a football crowd of people to see what's in there. Too much like hard work for me but you young things might enjoy it. From the short time I was there it is obvious that there is more than enough women in Lucifers to satisfy the US 7th Fleet (or was that Cavalry?) but how they'd pair off is beyond me. I reckon the best place in Lucifers is the tables at the entrance to the front bar. Sit there and you will get a parade of beauties passing you by. Spot one you like and stalk it. Seems a better option to me than taking pot luck in a football crowd.
We finished up the night in J.P. Alley (near the Blues Factory) and as I've mentioned before in the Rag, it's a great place to girl watch. Seems like there's a never ending flow towards Walking Street until 2.30am and then somebody throws a switch and the flow reverses with the crowds from Marine, Lucifers and Tony's heading off Walking Street to Insomnia, Marine 2 etc. etc. One of the guys I was with on Saturday has been 'romancing' a lovely from Club Blu. She's been out of town for a while and she phoned him Saturday to say she was still in Bangkok. Sure enough she comes down the alley about 2.00am which I guess was Sunday but only just. It's great when you catch them out. I think the romancing is over!!
Footnote 1: I like to sleep in after a night on the town but Sunday my beauty sleep was interrupted by a phone call at 8.00am. I was half asleep when I answered it but I got the equivalent of a bucket of ice cold water in my face when a Thai lady's voice says, "Where are you?". "In bed", says I, as quietly as possible as my missus was laying next to me. My mind's racing. Who did I give my number to? Don't panic. Don't PANIC. "Do you want your credit card", says the voice. I'M PANICKING. I check my shorts and sure enough the wallet I keep my cards and licenses in is missing. "Yes I want my credit card", says I and the lady hangs up.
Ten minutes later she phones back and agrees to meet me at the 7-11 opposite X-Zyte on 3rd Road. I race round there with my missus who's already decided that the lady with my cards must have shared a hotel room with me the night before. We get to the 7-11 and fuck me the girl with my cards has a terrific pair of tits. The missus knows my weakness so this is starting to look a bit grim. She speaks to the girl who says she found the cards outside a short time hotel near V.C.. I'm not panicking anymore cause I'm totally FUCKED. The missus takes my cards and gives the girl a Bt500 reward. Bit stingy thought I but for once my missus was ahead of me. Probably cause my mind was in meltdown trying to figure out how I could hang on to my meat and two veg. The girl had used a land line to phone me and came to 7-11 on a motor cyke taxi. The missus reckons she was in cahoots (luv wild west movies) with the card stealers because there's not a girl over 16 in Pattaya that doesn't have a mobile phone and motor cyke. The girl was making sure we couldn't trace her after the meeting.
I reckon the thieves were the two katoeys and the old lady on the Baht Bus at the start of Saturday evening. The old lady created a distraction whilst the Katoey emptied my pocket and that's why they all jumped off the Baht Bus immediately after me and my pals. They didn't want to be sitting on the bus at the traffic lights in case I realised my cards were missing.
They hadn't charged anything against my credit card possibly because of the farang name on the card. They probably reckoned it was easier to get a reward from me than find somebody to buy a stolen card. To be safe, I still cancelled the card.
For the record I wasn't a naughty boy that night but I might well have been for all the aggro I've had this week. There can be a downside to life with a wife in LOS but I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be.
Footnote 2: My last 2 trips around the bars have brought unexpected developments. One was an altercation with a bar owner and the other my pocket was picked. People reckon things come in 3's so I think I'll stay home this weekend.
- Pattaya City News is now officially Pattaya One News. The web site looks a lot cleaner that's for sure.
- One of my regular drinking pals couldn't join us this week due to family commitments. He said he only had time for Soi 6. In his words, a splash and dash.....
- A helpful site for new visitors to Pattaya is Pattaya Newbie
- 30 finalists of Miss Tiffany 2008
- The battle to stop View Talay 7 continues
- 5km oil slick spoils Jomtien Beach [via Pattaya One News]
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